Nick Jones

God, Life, Religion

Cancer – My Wife’s Perspective

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I just finished another day of chemo. Now there are only 2 days left!
At the beginning of my chemo experience I asked my wife if she would be willing to put together a guest post, I wanted her perspective. So without further adieu, here is Julie’s perspective of our experience.
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I was at work when I got the call from Nick. I had made him promise to call me as soon as he left the oncologist’s office.  Not because I expected bad news, but because I wanted to hear the expected “Everything looks good” and stop thinking about it.  So fully did I believe that the news would be good that, when Nick said the words: “The cancer is back”, I didn’t believe him.  It took a moment for me to realize that he was not kidding around and then my heart broke.
Dealing with Nick’s cancer diagnosis the first time was tough on both of us.  But it was over almost as soon as we had time to fully realize what had just happened.  From diagnosis to surgery was only a few days.  Then he was cancer-free (we assumed) and recovering from his surgery.
This time was different.  This time we had a couple of weeks before chemo was to begin.  This time the recovery would take a lot longer.  This time I’m pregnant.

I really don’t feel qualified to advise other people on how to support your spouse through chemo or cancer.  At least half the time, I don’t know what I’m doing.  Sometimes my “To Do” list for the day is simply: 1) wake up, 2) do the best I can, 3) go to bed for the night, 4) repeat.  But I can share with you what I have learned, hoping that it will help at least one other person who is going through a similar experience.

The biggest thing I’ve learned from all of this is that you can’t do it alone.  This is a huge, emotional, difficult experience. Your spouse will rely on you for a lot of support and you will need someone (preferably several someones) that you can lean on too.  There are three sources through which I have gained strength during this battle.  I highly recommend you reach out to gain strength through them too.  They are: prayer, friends & family, and admitting weakness.

As a Seventh-day Adventist Christian, my faith is central to my life.  While I usually pray regularly, I can easily say that the frequency and intensity of my prayers have dramatically increased lately.  When Nick is hurting, I pray.  When he has a fever, I pray.  When the doctors’ bills come, I pray.  When Nick’s blood test results are good, I pray.  (We can’t forget to also share our gratitude with God!)  I pray and I pray and I pray.  In leaning on God, I get strength enough to get me through one more day, or maybe just one more hour.

I also am encouraged by the prayers of others.  We cannot count how many people have been praying for us, but we have received many cards, emails, texts, and Facebook messages telling us that we are being prayed for.  Each message encourages me and shines a bit of hope into my day.  If you are looking for a way to support a friend who is going through cancer treatments, send them a note or message in whatever way you can.  It may go unmentioned, but I guarantee it will be appreciated!

Having a good support system of friends and family makes a world of difference.  We are very blessed to have what I can only imagine is the best possible support system out there!  Our family and friends have been with us every step of the way, helping in whatever ways we need.  From mowing the lawn to picking up popsicles at the store, we have had friends and family anxious to help however possible.  I will never be able to thank everyone adequately!  I truly feel that I am experiencing the miracle that is the Body of Christ.  

One evening after a particularly tough day, I got a call from a close friend of mine.  She asked how I was doing and if she could help with anything.  I burst into tears as I felt so completely overwhelmed but unable to even think of a way she could help me.  I told her I had to go to the grocery store to get something for Nick’s lunch during chemo the next day.  But I had no idea what I was going to make, let alone what I would need from the store.  She told me that she would come pick me up and go with me to the grocery store.  It was exactly what I needed.  Having her company made the task much less overwhelming!  She talked and laughed with me, which was such an encouragement.  By the time she drove home, it was late but I felt like everything was going to be okay.  This gift of her time may seem simple, but it made a huge difference to me!

Gaining strength through admitting weakness has been the hardest lesson for me to learn.  I’m a pretty independent and stubborn person by nature, so my first instinct is usually to plow through no matter the cost.  When a good friend offered to coordinate meal deliveries for us each night during the weeks of Nick’s treatments, I didn’t respond immediately.  My first instinct was to thank her but decline the offer.  Surely, even pregnant, I could cook simple meals. Certainly we wouldn’t starve!  I felt like I would be admitting some kind of failure to accept, but deep down I knew that it would be a huge help.  So, despite my discomfort, I accepted her offer.  It was probably the smartest decision I’ve made in the last few months!


The first day of Nick’s chemo treatments, I went with him.  I wanted to experience what it was like for him.  I felt it was important for me to be there at least one full day so I could understand what he goes through while there.  After we got home, I cried and cried. It was just so emotionally exhausting.  When dinner was delivered that first night, it felt like a miracle.  I was just so grateful and relieved that I didn’t have to worry about cooking!  As I’ve gotten farther along in this pregnancy, I’m even more appreciative of the meals that our friends share so generously with us!  The lesson for me has been that it’s okay to ask for help. In allowing others to help you, it enables you to better support your spouse.  If you are a stressed out mess, you are not going to be any help to your loved one.

Having a family member go through chemo is really tough.  It’s never easy to see someone you love in pain.  Watching them suffer and not being able to do anything to relieve them is torture.  I have broken down in tears many times during the last couple of months.  There is no sugar-coating chemo.  It is a tough battle.  Please continue to keep Nick and me in your prayers.  Our battle is not yet over but we will keep fighting, one day at a time.

15 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your wife’s perspective. I have remembered BOTH of you in my daily thoughts and prayers. My wife is a breast cancer survivor and I can relate to Mrs. Jones very much. You are both very special people and have many years to serve others.

    Many Blessings on You both (soon to be 4)

  2. Thank you for sharing your heart, Julie!

  3. That was very touching! It is a good thing to know the perspective of both of you, and I am so glad you are able to press on with the help of good friends and family. 🙂 We love you guys and want you to conquer this and move on to the next step of your precious lives!

  4. Julie, I wanted you to know Nick and you have been in my thoughts. From our MBA classes at AU I could see how wonderful, kind and caring you are, that that the two of you were a cool, fun, awesome team. My prayers for a speedy recovery.

  5. Praying for you guys!!! LOVE YOU!

  6. What a beautiful and well written guest blog! You are both precious to many of us and we will keep praying and can’t wait to meet your baby girl! God is with you and He is for you! <3

  7. Thank you for sharing this, Julie and Nick. It hurts to know you are hurting, but you sharing your story is such a testimony to your strength, perseverance, and love–all made possible through Christ. You are loved by so many, including us.

  8. Julie, Thank you for sharing such a personal and emotional testimony. We know God will continue to strengthen you and Nick as you continue this journey. You both have been a source of inspiration to everyone following your story and praying for you. Your trust, faith and hope in God Is a positive witness to the power of God to get us through the darkest times of our lives. God bless you both. Love – Dan and Mary

  9. Thank you for opening up the perspective of how you see it and feel it. I bet being pregnant makes your emotions so much more intense. We pray for you and Nick and think of you both often. May the pain be taken away in His name we ask. Amen.

  10. Amazing Julie! Thank you for being so transparent with others, You and Nick are truly an inspiration 😉

  11. Julie, your guest blog was so ‘real’ … thank you for sharing from your heart and helping others, myself included, understand the journey you and Nick are on … praying continually for you both! May God bless you … and then bless you again!

  12. Dear Julie, I loved reading your message. Thank you for sharing your heart. I pray for you and Nick on MOST days, some days get away from me, I admit. You have more faith and trust than I do, and I want to be better on both. Jesus Loves You This I Know…………………Ranee’

  13. Support for the caregiver is so important and I am glad that you have wonderful friends to take you to the store and help with meals. As a caregiver, being able to step away for a moment can be incredibly refreshing as well. One must remember to care for themselves when caring for others.

  14. Thanks for sharing. We are praying for all of you!!

  15. Thanks for sharing, I needed to see that side.

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